Partnership Parenting
Another way to support your marriage is to take on the project of partnership parenting. There is a way to create rules and respect for each member of the family without a lot of upset and impulsive punishments. The key is working together as a couple in defining what the rules and chores are and the consequences in advance, if and when there is not compliance. Most of the time, the consequences are simply that you supervise and make sure your rule or chore is accomplished as you have defined them. It is accountability, not punishment. Your child will learn that you mean what you say. That is a good thing. And what you say is calm and centered. There is no upset. That is good for everyone in the family.
One key is that both mom and dad brainstorm and agree on these rules together. They are on the same page about how they calmly respond by holding the child responsible for the rule or chore. This means the child hears the same requirements from both mom and dad. There is no better deal. When mom and dad are on the same page, there is no need to yell or even get anxious. Your child has no options. You simply stand there while they make the bed, or brush their teeth, do their homework at the specified hour, hand over their phone for the night, speak respectfully, etc. There is no power struggle because your child has nowhere to go for support to get out of the rule they don’t like. Both parents are in agreement about what rules are appropriate for their child.
A key to the success of this is that mom and dad work together. It is like two players in basketball running down the court for a play. They work together, avoid the defense calmly, and make the basket. This strengthens your partnership as a couple. You are teaching your child/children that you mean what you say. There are no emotional explosions because you are working together, and your rule and consequence has been defined in advance. You know what you expect from your child. If there is any emotional outburst from your child, you simply re-state the rule calmly and wait for cooperation. Nothing happens until your child fulfills the rule or chore.
What is great about this approach is that it is calm and rational. Both parents hold authority because they have partnered in defining the rules and consequences and supervise the fulfillment of the rules. There is no better deal from mom or dad so there is no opportunity for manipulation by your child. You can thank your child for complying with the rule. There is no good guy or bad guy parent. Further, you are partnering in the parenting of your children. And, you have created a rational home where your rules create respect and good behaviors that will support your child’s success in life. That is a beautiful project for partners.
If you are interested in coaching for your parenting, we are happy to guide you through the steps for defining your rules and consequences, providing you with the script for putting them into action, and eliminating arguments with your children. We believe in supporting your authority in a matter-of-fact way and at the same time, creating a calm home where everyone feels connected and loved.
